If I end up dead from an overdose of whatever chemicals were involved, it was partially intentional. Most likely not 100% accidental. I don't enjoy life that much at this point, and haven't since about 2008-2010. Can't pinpoint what year when things started to go downhill where I just started to feel and think "fuck it, whatever." Which is narrowminded thinking, I know, but when you feel a certain way, it doesn't matter. Logic takes a backseat. It becomes about your feelings and you don't think about being patient and hard work and waiting for things to improve. You just want the suffering to end.
"Look on the bright side, it's suicide."
Nirvana - Milk It, from the "In Utero" album.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
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