Week 1 - I've been on it for 5 days now and have noticed some stimulation, a little more positive thinking wise, less worrying, but could be placebo. Haven' taken any of my klonopin since tuesday, and today is friday, which is good. bu I have also been taking small amounts of suboxone, like 1-2mg per day. I had an 8mg strip and just cut a little piece off everyday since tuesday. I figure it will mask help me deal with any negative side effects of the wellbutrin, and so far i haven't had many negative effects. The biggest side effect is I feel tired and wiped out by the afternoon, and I have also been sleeping very deeply and long, and have a hard time getting out of bed, but that's been the case the entire summer. This has been one of the most depressing summers of my life, mainly because I'm broke and without a car and my 2 best friends are gone. Charlie moved to Michigan and Alex is leaving for Minnesota to go to college on Sunday. I have avoided her all summer because I know seeing her would just make me more depressed, and she hasn't made me feel like she really cares about me anywhere close to how much i care about her. But she is coming to see me to say goodbye before she leaves. I am going to try and get to my cousins tonight or tomorrow. This is turning into a journal entry, which it isn't meant to be, but doesn't matter. I probably wouldn't be writing this if not for the wellbutrin/suboxone combo, or one or the other.
Update - September 9th, 2014
I have stopped taking the Wellbutrin. I was on it for 12 days, and I did not sleep more than 5 hours a night during any of these days, and no more than 2-3 hours at a time without waking up.
After quitting, without tapering off because I was on a very low dose, I went another full week with the same exact sleep problems, not sleeping more than 5 hours a night. Then feeling a bit more comfortable with the idea of adding supplements and other drugs as I assumed (after doing extensive amateur research on the drug, including it's half life which ranges from 8 to 37 hours depending on the brand and form of the medication you are taking... I was taking the SR form, which is "sustained release") I began to take Kava Kava extract to help sedate me combined with Passion Flower extract, also to help sedate and relax me to help me sleep, to no avail, but I was at least not feeling as if I wanted to jump out of my skin and climb the walls, having unbearable RLS (restless-leg syndrome). I just stuck it out, watching Netflix and episodes. I even tried to watch some regular TV, but the commercials are just too much for me to handle, I don't have the patience for them.
Anyway, this medication did not address any of my issues related to depression other than my malaise and fatigue, but the side effects made it in no way beneficial or worthwhile. There is no way I would be able to function and hold a job on this medication. It is just not for me. I am now on Zoloft, starting on a small dose and working my way up, and after 5 days I have barely any noticeable negative side effects and it's GREAT. I just hope it makes me feel normal and gets rid of my feelings of devastation, severe depression, suicidal feelings (not so much suicidal thoughts, just feelings like I don't want to be alive and experience this mental torment but I continue to live because I would never do anything to upset my parents so much and ruin their lives. I am absolutely in love with my parents now that I've matured a bit since I was a teenager).
So yeah, I guess at some point I will write something up on how the Zoloft is working or did not work. Right now, so far so good. Nothing to report either way, which is normal, it takes a few weeks before I am supposed to notice anything remarkable. But my goodness am I glad that Wellbutrin is fully out of my system, and despite having suffered for 2-3 weeks because of it, I'm glad I went through it just so I could rule it out as a potential medication. Never again.
Friday, August 15, 2014
On Having Kids
I don't know if I will have any children. I don't know if I'll ever meet someone to have children with. I have been very fortunate to have been in serious, passionate, loving relationships with girls who loved me as much as I loved them, but I don't know if that will ever happen again. For now, I like to think that my songs are my children.
I'm having a hard time finishing up my most recent collection of songs that I plan to release as my second EP.
It's partially my computer lagging due to the large amount of tracks I have on most songs, or too many instruments, I don't know what to EQ certain things. I can't "see" the music like I used to with these speakers, they are worn out and the fact that I am not using DXM anymore has affected my brain and creativity, as well as my drive to write and record and finish songs.
I basically have to re-learn how to make music on an emotional level. I know how to do it, but it's completely different when you are sober. It's very strange. I also need a change of scenery, I cannot be recording music over years and years in he same exact room in the same setup, same desk, same everything. I need a new set up and new speakers. I need a producer or an engineer, that would be nice, but I am on my own with this project.
I'm having a hard time finishing up my most recent collection of songs that I plan to release as my second EP.
It's partially my computer lagging due to the large amount of tracks I have on most songs, or too many instruments, I don't know what to EQ certain things. I can't "see" the music like I used to with these speakers, they are worn out and the fact that I am not using DXM anymore has affected my brain and creativity, as well as my drive to write and record and finish songs.
I basically have to re-learn how to make music on an emotional level. I know how to do it, but it's completely different when you are sober. It's very strange. I also need a change of scenery, I cannot be recording music over years and years in he same exact room in the same setup, same desk, same everything. I need a new set up and new speakers. I need a producer or an engineer, that would be nice, but I am on my own with this project.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Three Effective Supplements for Depression, Avoiding RX Drugs
What a coincidence that an FDA-backing website, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC257800/, reccomends NOT trying these 2 (5-HTP and SAM-e) over the counter, cheap, easily available supplements that have received tremendously positive reviews for treating depression?
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC257800/
Quote:
"Although SAMe and 5-HTP may have antidepressant effects when given in an appropriate way, there is no evidence that either compound would be effective or safe in the long term using the preparations sold over the counter in the United States and via the Internet. Neither can be recommended."
I encourage anyone interested in treating their depression without a psychiatrist who just wants to feed you experimental drugs with unknown long term side effects to research 5HTP and SAM-e, which are both legal supplements you can obtain at any pharmacy or drug store. They have both helped me and probably many millions of others, but the Federal Government and the FDA have made great efforts and taken great strides to prevent people from hearing about these supplements. There are no commercials, very few advertisements, and every doctor I've spoken to has rarely ever heard of both, if not just one, of these supplements. If you are battling depression, lack of motivation, boredom with life, do some research and see if this would be something you would like to try.
I've also read ad naseum in reports that these 2 supplements should be taken in the morning, and the vitamin L-Tyrosine should be taken at night for optimal depression reduction and a return to the energy, enthusiasm and perseverence we all once had before something triggered severe to moderate depression.
So, here is the short list of the supplements to look up and read about their anti depressant properties and comparisons to RX drugs:
5HT-P
SAM-e
L-Tyrosine
I have not tried the L-Tyrosine but took the average recommended dose of SAM-e for nearly a month, maybe more than a month, with no noticeable improvements in my mental state. I have tried 5HT-P years ago and just felt uncomfortable stimulation for the first few weeks, so I stopped, and probably didn't give it long enough to fully have a complete report on it's effects on me. I have read mostly negative things about how it does not cross the BBB and is ultimately ineffective as a treatment for depression.
I plan to try the L Tyrosine with my Zoloft, and add SAM-e in combination with the Zoloft. I am taking 50mg of Zoloft, half the recommended dose, so that it doesn't have the negative side effect, which puts me in a zombified state, where I feel emotionally flat and not happy, although not really depressed. Just makes me very dosile and uninterested in anything, basically anadhonia like symptoms. I definitely have an issue with anadonhia, I actually think that IS my main problem, more than anything, and I believe it was brought on by my chronic and sometimes very heavy marijuana use for over a decade. I need to dramatically cut down, an dI have cut down a good amount, but it hasn't been for a long enough time to show noticeable results. I sleep WAY too much and am WAY to tired for a normal healthy 27 year old male. Something is wrong, and it is likely caused by my drug use, but I also believe I have nasal/inhalation/breathing problems and lack the sufficient oxygen while I sleep and even during the day because for some reason my respiration seems to be much more depressed than it used to be, or at least for a healthy young adult. I breathe very lightly, and then I don't naturally start taking another breath for what seems to be an abnormally long amount of time. AN dmy anxiety is surely caused by my lack of gaining sufficient oxygen. I need to find out how to remedy this breathing issue. I will have much more energy and be much more productive and happy if I were just able to breathe better through my nose and my breathing was depressed as it is.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC257800/
Quote:
"Although SAMe and 5-HTP may have antidepressant effects when given in an appropriate way, there is no evidence that either compound would be effective or safe in the long term using the preparations sold over the counter in the United States and via the Internet. Neither can be recommended."
I encourage anyone interested in treating their depression without a psychiatrist who just wants to feed you experimental drugs with unknown long term side effects to research 5HTP and SAM-e, which are both legal supplements you can obtain at any pharmacy or drug store. They have both helped me and probably many millions of others, but the Federal Government and the FDA have made great efforts and taken great strides to prevent people from hearing about these supplements. There are no commercials, very few advertisements, and every doctor I've spoken to has rarely ever heard of both, if not just one, of these supplements. If you are battling depression, lack of motivation, boredom with life, do some research and see if this would be something you would like to try.
I've also read ad naseum in reports that these 2 supplements should be taken in the morning, and the vitamin L-Tyrosine should be taken at night for optimal depression reduction and a return to the energy, enthusiasm and perseverence we all once had before something triggered severe to moderate depression.
So, here is the short list of the supplements to look up and read about their anti depressant properties and comparisons to RX drugs:
5HT-P
SAM-e
L-Tyrosine
UPDATE - November 17, 2014
I have not tried the L-Tyrosine but took the average recommended dose of SAM-e for nearly a month, maybe more than a month, with no noticeable improvements in my mental state. I have tried 5HT-P years ago and just felt uncomfortable stimulation for the first few weeks, so I stopped, and probably didn't give it long enough to fully have a complete report on it's effects on me. I have read mostly negative things about how it does not cross the BBB and is ultimately ineffective as a treatment for depression.
I plan to try the L Tyrosine with my Zoloft, and add SAM-e in combination with the Zoloft. I am taking 50mg of Zoloft, half the recommended dose, so that it doesn't have the negative side effect, which puts me in a zombified state, where I feel emotionally flat and not happy, although not really depressed. Just makes me very dosile and uninterested in anything, basically anadhonia like symptoms. I definitely have an issue with anadonhia, I actually think that IS my main problem, more than anything, and I believe it was brought on by my chronic and sometimes very heavy marijuana use for over a decade. I need to dramatically cut down, an dI have cut down a good amount, but it hasn't been for a long enough time to show noticeable results. I sleep WAY too much and am WAY to tired for a normal healthy 27 year old male. Something is wrong, and it is likely caused by my drug use, but I also believe I have nasal/inhalation/breathing problems and lack the sufficient oxygen while I sleep and even during the day because for some reason my respiration seems to be much more depressed than it used to be, or at least for a healthy young adult. I breathe very lightly, and then I don't naturally start taking another breath for what seems to be an abnormally long amount of time. AN dmy anxiety is surely caused by my lack of gaining sufficient oxygen. I need to find out how to remedy this breathing issue. I will have much more energy and be much more productive and happy if I were just able to breathe better through my nose and my breathing was depressed as it is.
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