Being Dead and Thinking About Dying Again

I've been dead and was resuscitated, and there was nothing, just went to sleep. I'm not afraid of dying anymore. I worry about my family being forced to go on without me, but I'm not afraid of death itself. You just go to sleep. I accidentally overdosed on a combination of hard drugs and over the counter drugs. I was just trying to have a good time. I don't do those drugs anymore, but my life is not fulfilled, I don't feel the urge to get up in the morning/afternoon and do anything. I just want to go back to sleep. Maybe this "sleep" I want to go back to is just an eternal sleep. Clearly my brain is not functioning as a "normal" human brain, that strives for survival and peak performance in life amongst it's peers, would. Maybe I am meant to be a victim of natural selection. It applies to humans too, sorry to say. I am one of the weak, I shouldn't be here, if it weren't for medical advances and affordable healthcare for middle class families. All my problems are first world problems. But that doesn't mean shit. It's all about perspective. And I see things in the world and in people I know and it makes me think very irrationally, and I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself one day. But nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care, but I wish they would.

I am also very afraid of an accidental overdose that could happen out of the blue, when I am feeling good and decide to "party" and get "high" on a combination of substances, which is usually what I would do.  One drug wouldn't be enough, I would always like to combine different drugs to create and experience different feelings.